PCOS

Okay, I can't hold it in any longer. This is only for those who want to know A LOT of information about a medical condition I have been struggling with and dealing with for the last 7 plus years. And the reason I am writing about it now is because I am trying to not be so irritated with unsolicited advice and comments. I know people's intentions are good. I really do know that. Being in my shoes and having these comments/advice is hard sometimes for two reasons: 1. I am often too nice and let people say what they want to say and I just agree or nod my head to avoid confrontation. 2. Because having this medical condition is seriously emotionally difficult and assuming I am just not working hard enough isn't fair.

I have PCOS. Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome. I was diagnosed in 2006. But symptoms started in 2005. My symptoms are weight gain and trouble losing weight, cysts present on the ovaries, carry the male hormone androgen which causes higher and sudden weight gains, insulin resistance, irregular periods (I used to only have two a year), Depression and Anxiety.

In 2005 I gained a whopping 70+ pounds by doing absolutely nothing different. I was working out with a personal trainer 3x a week and 2x a week at the gym on my own. I was eating exactly what my personal trainer gave me for a menu. But the weight just kept going up. He told me to see a doctor. I had my blood work done and an internal exam and was diagnosed with PCOS. My doctor instructed me to go on a low carb diet and prescribed Metformin and a different oral birth control. I automatically thought "Atkins" when I thought of low carb. I lost 12 pounds the first week and that is with continuing my personal training and workouts. Within 6 months of hard work, strong will power, and determination I lost 85 pounds. That's 15 pounds in addition to what I had initially even gained! I was feeling pretty amazing!

In 2008 I found out I was pregnant with my first baby. I was doing really well for a long time with a slow weight gain. The last couple of months the weight just crept up on me and before I knew it I had gained 65 pounds. My doctor assured me it's because of the hormonal imbalances from the PCOS and to just keep exercising and eating healthy. After I had Jackson I lost all 65 pounds by the time he was 6 months old.

In 2009 when Jackson was 8 months old I found out I was pregnant again. This time the weight came on faster. No matter what I did. So I admit, I kind of threw in the towel and enjoyed some forbidden sugar. I gained 75 pounds with Jacob. My doctor was not concerned. She said it was my PCOS and I would lose it. After I had Jacob and the actual baby weight was gone and fluids I had 65 pounds to lose. After 1 year of a major struggle with the weight loss, in 2010 I went to another doctor.  She put me on a different medication for the insulin resistance. I decided to give P90X a try. After doing the full 90 day workout and starting it over, eating super healthy and low carb in 2011, I lost 58 pounds. Even though I had 65 to lose I was wearing all my prepregnancy clothes and was the same size, just more muscle this time.

So now we're in 2012. In I think February I found out I was pregnant again. I was so excited! But I started gaining weight like crazy. I was exercising and eating so well. I was frustrated but I can't take my medication while pregnant so I figured I'd just be big and pregnant I guess. Right into my 2nd trimester and I miscarried. I went in for the D&C, 40 pounds heavier and while doing the surgery they found a cyst on my ovary that was ready to rupture and of course removed it. My doctor told me she was surprised I hadn't gained 70 pounds! And if I wasn't exercising and eat so well I would have. She also gave me a lot of medical mumbo jumbo that I couldn't even repeat so she dumbed it down for me. The cyst was ready to burst. It was releasing all the bad hormones into my bloodstream including the androgens that cause major weight gain. Because the cyst released all the hormones into my bloodstream (they did a ton of labs on me) she said it will be nearly impossible to lose any weight until after a few months while the hormones are leaving my body. And even after the few months to expect one pound a week. Me? Lose 35 pounds in 35 weeks? NEVER! That's too slow and I work too hard. I started working out a few days after my surgery. Boy was that a mistake! Made the recovery longer. So I had to force myself to rest and after a week I started my 6 days a week, 1 hour min. a day workouts. I continued my low carb, high protein, high fiber, no sugar, no flour diet. This was about the beginning of April that I started and to date I have lost 20 pounds. I still have 20 pounds to go. Given that my doctor said she was positive I wouldn't lose any weight for the first 4-5 months I'd say I'm doing okay.

I have hit a major plateau. I have been working out 6 days a week high intensity, drinking protein shakes, eating green veggies, protein bars, carbmaster yogurts, very little dairy, almond milk only, and no weight loss at all, not one ounce lost in almost 3 weeks. Talk about making me crazy!

My whole point to this long, overly informative post is that I hope some people can see now how unfair it is to offer me advice or comments about losing weight. I have been working out religiously for at least 7 years. I know that's not a long long time but most people offering me hints on losing weight are those who have never even experienced struggle with weight before or people who call a warm up a workout. I KNOW how to workout and I don't consider 20 minutes of anything a workout. I look like an oompa loompa, bright red faced and dripping sweat after a workout. And I am not someone who sweats fast (like a lot of my weirdo family members). I've even had to stop my workout before to wash my eyes out because they are filled with sweat. Gross! I know how to eat healthy. I feel like there are soooooo many health snobs in this world right now. People who think the way they eat is the ONLY way to eat. Or that they are literally the healthiest person on this planet. Really people? Come on now. God gave us all very different bodies and He put a variety of foods on this Earth. While one person might benefit really well from a low fat diet, being a vegetarian, vegan, etc... another person's body and health could benefit a lot more from a low carb diet and meats. When someone tells me I'm not eating as well as I should I will from now on tell them to get over themselves :) Seriously, though. I will. I don't touch sugar. I don't touch flour. I eat high protein, loads of fiber, my foods are nutrient dense and healthy for ME.

But really the most frustrating part to me is that I am healthier than a lot of "skinny" people. I have muscle under the fat that won't leave my body. I am excited for the day that it will show. I am strong, I have energy, I moved a TV console by myself that my seriously strong husband called his friend over to help him move, I know my body and am very much in tune with what it needs. I have super woman will power. I don't cheat ever. I only eat what I need when I need it. I have pretty much taken on the whole philosophy of "I eat to live, not live to eat."

There are too many people, especially women and moms, these days who want everyone to know about everything good they are doing. And then they try to force it on others or tell you that you aren't doing it right because you aren't doing it the way they do. YOUR WAY IS NOT THE ONLY WAY. This is definitely a venting blog post but I needed to get it out. When you live with a medical condition that you have educated yourself on for 7 years and you know your own body and what it is capable of better than anyone else it is really difficult to listen to people tell you how you're not working hard enough or doing what is best for your body because you aren't doing it the way they do it. I challenge any of these people who think I am not working hard enough to come work out as hard as I do for 6 days straight and tell me again I'm not working hard enough. Or eat MY diet with zero mistakes for one full week and tell me I'm not healthy or eating the right foods. Or go in to get a D&C and wake up from the anesthesia to be told you had a life threatening cyst that has caused the weight gain and if I hadn't had the D&C I could have ended up in an emergency room and possibly not ever have come back out. People need to stop judging and people need to worry about themselves and do what works for them. People need to love each other and know that everyone is different. What works for me doesn't work for a lot of people. And I would never tell someone who works out 3 days a week that they aren't doing it the right way or someone who eats carbs that they aren't as healthy as me.

Bottom line.... I have PCOS. It is a constant struggle. I work hard. I am healthy. I take care of myself and I should be the ONLY person on this planet who worries about what I look like or what I weigh. No one should ever offer me comments or advice on losing weight unless I come to you and specifically ask you to help me. Which I won't because there isn't a person I know other than my doctor who knows anything about my body or medical concern that could help me.

Yes, that felt good to get out! This is not meant to be offensive or mean so please don't take it personally anyone. It's my blog, my words, my venting, my rights. And no disclaimers this time! (I have a cousin who would be so proud of that).

Mother's Day 2012

I had an amazing Mother's Day. I couldn't have asked for more from my kids or husband. John tried to let me sleep in. But my little mama's boy, Jacob, would not go downstairs for breakfast without me. So I happily went down with him. I can't resist him a bit when he is begging for me. John wanted to make a yummy big breakfast for me but I am lame and let him make me my protein shake :) I told John there were two things I really wanted for Mother's Day. A picture of me and the boys before church and to be to church on time. Both happened!
Church was great, I really enjoyed the talks in sacrament by the men. I talked to my mom and step mom after church. John made my favorite meal in the world, taquitos and green sauce for dinner. We had low carb fruit dip with strawberries and apples for dessert. We went on a family walk and then watched Jacob say hi to ants on the sidewalk. Then my boys and John surprised me with an amazing homemade gift that I am in love with! John is super creative and thoughtful with gifts. Way more than I am. Then John and Michele cleaned up dinner and I relaxed in bed. It was a fantastic day!
I told Jackson and Jacob on Sunday how grateful I am to them for making me a mommy. I don't think they understood what I was trying to say. So I told Jackson thank you for growing in my tummy, being a healthy baby, and making my dreams come true because I am a mommy. He just smiled and said "You're welcome!" I love my little orange children so much. My ginger babies :) They really complete me.
When I am hard on myself because of insecurities with weight and self image I remind myself that I have two children who love me no matter what I look like and who just want me to be mommy. Fat, thin, pretty, ugly, crafting, non crafting, they love me for who I am. I can't sew them anything amazing, I don't make gourmet breakfasts ever!, I lose my patience, I sometimes say naughty words (good thing I have the word police in my house, Jackson), they play with my tummy like it's play dough and giggle about it,  I don't craft anything beautiful for our home, I'm horrible at couponing, I taught my son to sing "Neener neener neener weener." and we all think it's so funny because I'm super immature like that, I pants them all the time because it makes them laugh, we all try to out burp the other, we watch cartoons every morning during breakfast, sometimes we eat McDonald's dollar menu for dinner, I could go on and on. I don't do a lot of things that super moms do. But something I really have learned is that I cannot compare myself to other moms. I love my kids more than any other woman on this earth could ever love my boys (Kelli will disagree, haha!). I am definitely not the best mom in the world. But I am the best mother for these two angels in my life because they own my heart. I would do anything in this world for my babies. I am crazy in love with them and can barely handle the overwhelming amount of love and adoration I have for them.

I love kisses from my boys!

The amazing gift from John and the boys. This picture doesn't even do it justice.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Mother's Day.  I am so grateful to be a mother. I couldn't be happier to be a mom. Sometimes it doesn't seem real because it's so great. With all the tantrums, poop, lack of sleep, back talk, crying, screaming, hitting, biting, cooking, cleaning, entertaining, disciplining, kisses, snuggles, and loves it is everything I ever wanted and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Easter 2012

We had so much fun with Easter this year! We made Easter decorations at home right after St. Patrick's Day. And when I say we made decorations I mean glitter on foam eggs, sticker bunnies, and crayon artwork. The kids loved it!

Saturday before Easter we went to our church party. I made some fun cupcakes with spring color swirled frosting.

After our ward party everyone took a nap and I got the Easter egg hunt ready for the boys in our backyard.

Jacob was being ornery.

Until he found out there was candy in the eggs. Then he ran around the yard like crazy to get more eggs.

That night we dyed eggs.

These were the funnest Easter eggs to make! Aliens :)

Easter morning we all woke up nice and early and got ready for church.

I told Jackson and Jacob that the Easter bunny might come by our house while we are gone.

Running in the house after church so excited!

The Easter bunny brought a girly basket for Aunt Joey (Michele).

A camping basket for Daddy.

And a healthy basket for Mommy. Apparently the Easter bunny put a weirdo spell on Mommy too and unfortunately this is the only picture we got that wasn't totally nuts. Still weird though.... If you only knew, I've been posing for the camera like this since I was a toddler.

They didn't waste any time and dug right into the goods. Happy Easter!

Pictures catch up

For those who are offended by adorable bums you may not want to look! :) I know I'm their mommy but I love their adorable little tooshies and will take pictures as long as I can (and as long as it's appropriate!). Haha.

Leprechauns came to our house and left gold chocolate coins all over. They also left some green decorations on our windows, turned our orange juice green and our pancakes green!

I LOVE nap time for several reasons. Because my house is so peaceful and quiet and I can actually hear the birds singing outside. And because they look like little angels sleeping and I can kiss them and love them all I want without them running away from me. And it means they have already had a really good half of the day and played hard enough to be tired for naps :)

I made this cake for our sweet little neighbor, Logan for his 7th birthday. It's not my *best* work but it's okay. I did my best on a bad day. But it was actually really fun to make and I love to make cakes I haven't made before.

 The whole cake was John's design and he formed the race track for me out of rice krispie treats. I just did the cake and decorating.